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[16 May 2008|10:47am] |
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[11 May 2008|05:35am] |
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alksdjfka;sldjf;aksdjf;aklsjd;fkajd;fkjadf
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[11 May 2008|05:35am] |
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post 123
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[11 May 2008|05:01am] |
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salmon me please im depressed
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[11 May 2008|02:28am] |
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blah blah blah salmonb lah blah serious
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[11 May 2008|01:15am] |
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g ot salmon?
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[10 May 2008|03:14am] |
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salmon baby m.kb
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[10 May 2008|01:45am] |
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IM seriously going to post in live journal just so i can get salmoned all the time. lol life sucks, im alright it just sucks. it doesn't have to if money didn't fucking rule the world. once your out on your own, ha fuck everything.!
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[08 May 2008|09:24pm] |
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I WANNA GET SALMONED
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[08 Feb 2008|07:03pm] |
I Think everyone wishes they were "normal" define normal for me please..
like honestly. who is really normal. who has no problems. and if you think your one with no problems.. thats a whole other problem.
so next time you think your not "normal" look around at everyone else. seriously.
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[08 Feb 2008|10:17am] |
so we are all moved in to our wonderful apartment :)
i thought since it was away from everyone that no one would come over.. haha yeah right.
im so sick of pretty much the entire human race. well the casselberry human race. I wish jennie would come to visit me more often. i just wanna be alone. or with just stephen. i had to leave my own goddamn apartment last night cause people think they can just show up without asking. i fucking hate that shit. i had to fucking go to sleep. so i came to my moms. stephen felt horrible.
on a better note.. i got a sidekick 3 yesterday :) and the cable is turned on :) and the internet :) so no more boredness.. i will actually want to be home. just hopefully no more shit like that happens or someone is going to get kicked in the face. for real.
work is going excellant, i love it more than life itself. it sucks that i dont make shit doing it though.. im starting to babysit for this couple on the side like once a day every weekend. and they pay me decent :) and its a 5 month old.. and a one year old.. so ill be busy busy busy. i can't wait to have kids...
oh and this weekend stephen and i are most likely picking up another doggy :) another long haired mini doxie like ours.. but this one i think is chocolate colored.. and is a year and a half.. this lady at work wants to get rid of it so we are gonna take over. thats so sad how someone wants to get rid of a doggie :(
the weekend comes and goes so fast. its weird that since lately ive been busy time is just going by. i miss being able to fucking stay up all night, and sleep all day.. and stay home and just lay down and watch tv and eat chips and go on the inter net. i miss it. i miss the laziness. i hate being busy all the time. now im on like a fucking schedule. and i have responsibilities. honestly i think im taking in way too much tasks that my body cannot handle. lol.
I thinkk I'm about to start my period soon.
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[20 Jan 2008|02:05pm] |
I hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate me.
i feel like i wanna take a knife and put it to my throat.
it seems like no one understands and everyone is just making everything worse for me on purpose.
i want to stay at my moms. or actually i want to dig a deep hole and live there and never come out. i just want everyone to disapear.
or maybe i just need to disapear.
fuck this.
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[16 Jan 2008|08:50pm] |
our apartment will be ready in about a week!!!!
i can't wait to get out of here. i feel completely trapped.
can't wait to live life how i want.
cant wait to be with my stephen every night.
and cant wait to be with kara lots also.. cause shes staying with us a couple months till she figures out what is going on.
we will be away from every one. in orlando. shaweet.
Im really pissed cause i missed american idol lsat night. and most of the one tonight.. i hope it ends at 10.
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[14 Jan 2008|08:41pm] |
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im psycho.
your psycho.
I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
call me stupid. i don't care. hes my rock.
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
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[10 Jan 2008|09:50am] |
where do i start? im scared for stephen. hes sick. something is wrong with him. i don't know what to do. last night scared the shit out of me. i really wanna get out of here. i want stephen and i to finally move on. i also want to take him to the doctor. he throws up way too much.. every time he eats. which isn't much. and then faints. that can't be good.
Things have been weird with me and stephen. its like everything he does bothers me. and that's not good at all. like hes really really fucking selfish and i can't stand it cause all i want to do is give give give. all he cares about is himself. not his parents. not me. not his siblings. not his puppy. maybe his computer. maybe weed. he needs to set his priorities. seriously. he has shitty ones. and hes really making me second guess myself. and the sad thing is i talk to him all the time. and he ignores me. literally. goes on with something else. i even threaten to leave him. and he doesn't care. i dont know if hes ever going to change. hes not the person i would want to spend the rest of my life with. its like say we have kids.. would he help me? would he make me do his laundry? cook? clean? I don't want to be like that. he needs to change before i leave. i dont wanna leave. i love him with all my heart. we have a lot together. but if our relationship is going to be like this, then i dont want it. i am honestly so sick of it. he doesn't even fucking get it. he doesn't even listen to his parents. fuck.
when is american idol starting?
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[05 Jan 2008|09:17pm] |
blah blah stress. blah blah. stress?
eh i dont even know if im actually stressed.
everything happens for a reason?
or doesn't happen for a reason?
we have everything we need. everything. money.. rooms, everything. even salt and pepper shakers. but, no place. im getting extremely impatient. EXTREMELY. im so sick of living with people. i want to feel comfortable. i dont know. am i asking too much?
i just wanna get everything figured out. i need a phone. i need car insurance. i need a home. i need a second job. well not really. but just for me so i don't feel bad for stephen paying for everything. cause thats what he does.
and i miss kara. i dont know where she is.. or how to get a hold of her.
stephen and i are rocky. eh. well hes rocky. were stressed. its gay. bleh.
my tattoo is cute though. even though it hurt like hell.
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[22 Dec 2007|01:27am] |
stressed, and sick.
sweet deal, stephen and i are homeless for a week!
way to screw us over..
thank god we got our back up plan.
i hate hate hate christmas time, i always get sick. i always feel like shit. im always depressed.
i feel like im working so much. everyone gets days off next week. but me, i have to work. because if i don't work, i don't live. money is an issue. im glad i babysit or ill have to get another job. i made 60 bucks babysitting toniht for only 4 hours. my clients love me. and im glad they understand my arrangements.
im used to having vacations.. doing fun things for myself all the time.. but lately.. as in the pas half a year, im a scrub. i dont feell good about myself. everyone gets all these new clothes.. i get hand me downs. i can't even spend my christmas money on me. poor stephen. he works his ass off. god.
Im so phsyced on moving thoough. being able to be comfortable in my OWN HOME. sweet deal. I am a little bit worried that stephens brother might screw us over.. but roomates have to be easy to find.. right? I always got that karaaaa<3
Speaking of her! she totally just signed off without saying bye. that dumb bitch.
im waiting on a milkshake..
well i guess this is growing up.
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[18 Dec 2007|09:37pm] |
ive been a lot more social lately than usual.
i can't wait to get out of this awkward house.
but yeah on the social part..
ive been hanging outt with jennie lately!
it's been nice.. i miss her family..
and i love love love her new friends.
they are all so nice.
and then their is Kara.
could be my new best friend.
and ilove me some sara helveston!
i hope things dont go wrong. i really really hope things dont go wrong
when does across the universe come out??
and when does juno come out in the theatre?
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[11 Dec 2007|11:55pm] |
Okay, I feel like writing a lot, a story about my life, reflecting the past, present, and future. This is my life, who I am. It's going to be jumbled up a whole bunch, I just have a lot on my mind. And I think I finally figured out who I am, what my plans are, what I stand for and all that cool stuff.
So, I'm Tiffany ann frantz. My mom named me after a stripper! Only because the stripper was beautiful. My mom and dad faught a lot, he hit her a lot. so they got a divorce before I was two. He met another, and so did she. Good on his part, cause I love my stepmom. But horrible on my moms part, my stepdad changed my life forever.. It all started when I was 4 years old. He walked out of the shower and his towel "fell off." and me.. being 4, and extremely interested in what he had that i didn't, asked questions. daddy what is thatttt?? he says.. thats my pee pee wanna touch it? Keep in mind IM FOUR YEARS OLD. okay, that was the start of the brainwashing, sick, period of my life that made me who i am today. This probably happened atleast twice a month, each time progressing into something worse.. ie.. licking, stroking, fingers, and after i was used to and comfortable with all that, rape. i didn't even care. I loved that man with all my heart, trusted him with everything. I considered him my daddy. i even started mentioning things to my mom, i was like oooh daddy let me touch his pee pee! and he lied to her i guess and my nana would just basically call me an attention whore. so since no one else made a big deal, neither the hell did i. but this went on for 4 in a half years. until i was 9, when he died.
I remember the last time he touched me. It actually felt wrong. my mom and my stepdad had split up(because he was cheating on her), and me and my sister and brother went to go visit him at my nanas(his mom). we were swimming and he had cornered me and asked me if i remembered"our little secret". i thought long and hard. until it hit me. i didn't know it was supposed to be a secret daddy? so i swam away and just ignored it. until that night.. we slept inthe same bed and he tried touching me.. i actually screamed. i made my nana call my dad to come pick me up. that was the last time i saw my stepdad.
a couple days after that, he had passed away. motercycle accident. about an hour before he died, he called up his mom, telling her she can keep his glasses that he left over there. his favorite oakleys. and us kids, and my mom to tell us he was going to the store and that he loved us very much. we were putt putt golfing with my mom and her new boyfriend. but what i think, and from what he told me in my dreams is that he killed himself because of me. because i finally realized it was wrong and that bastard finally felt guilt.
in 5th grade you learn about abuse. i broke down. my mom put two and two together. and we went to seek help immediantly, first going to the doctor. come to find out i had some kind of std. at 10 years old. (dont worry its gone now)
i had so many issues. i was a whore. i can't live without a boyfriend. i hate being alone. i dont trust anyone.
nightmares were the worst though. they came the worst when i was in 8-10th grade. he would be laying down right next to me. i would get out of the shower and he'd be right there. hed grab me from outside and take me into the woods and rape me and bring me back to my bed and stare over me when i slept. i thought i was crazy. i was crazy. so i started to stay awake all the time. i slept with my mom till i was in 10th grade..
I was very depressed. I cut myself a lot, not to kill myself, but just scratches to kinda make myself feel better. stuff was carved into my skin everyother day.. whether it was fuck you, or stupid, or something ridiculous and depressing. i scared the shit out of my mom everyday cause i would sit in a corner with a knife to my throat. i cried all the time. over everything, seriously that is all i would do is cry cry cry. i did nothing.. my normal day was to lay on my bed with my journal and pen with hheadphones in my ears usually listening to dashboard confessional and id just cry. for hours straight. i looked like a druggy because of the sleep i wasn't getting. i never went to school either. i hated it. i hated everyone there. cause everyone looked so happy with there friends, having a good time.. talking in class, hugging in the halls, joking around. i never had that. at all. i sat in the bathrooms alone at lunch for a long period of time. and no one ever noticed. i just wanted someone to just take me in. i was craving attention so much. but when i got it i was pissed. i was so weird
i went through so much therapy, so much medication, so many counselors, so much of everything.. my mom finally took me to a rehab for hurting teens. which was hella christian, but really really helped me. yes, turned me into a jesus freak for about a year.. *which im out of thank god* but i went a whole 5 months without having sex. i slept alone. i had zero nightmares. i finally found the right medicines. i didn't have to take my night meds anymore.
when i got out of the program in 06.. i caught back up with stephen.. he was the first person i wanted to see when i got out... cause he was the one i thought about the most while i was there, and i knew he was the only right one for me. we have been so close since 7th grade.. we had lost a little touch cause he had moved to winter park and i was sitll in c berry, but everytime we got together everything seemed perfect and right and i told him that that is what i wanted it to be like all the time, and he agreed thank god, and now we are together and it couldn't be better.
ive never gotten into drugs, besides pot. which i have had a great share in :) and i don't think anything is wrong with it.. ive never been a heavy drinker.
never done coke, x, acid, pills(anypills besides the ones im prescribed to), never been arrested, expelled, suspended nothing.
ive always been a teachers pet, always respectable.
always got into the wrong boys though, and made horrible mistakes.
ive fucked 11 guys, all within like a 2 year span.
well maybe not 2 years.. but lets see i lost it at 14.. that year 2.
15.. 2
16.. 6
17+.. 1
so yeah. gross. dont judge me.
Im a nice girl. Ive never been into a fight. im very loveable. i don't have very many friends. i have a passion for kids. i want kids to have a positive impact in there lives.. and i want that impact to be me.
I honestly want to be a positive impact in anyones life.
I will never judge you or anyone.
ive done horrible things for guys. ruined a perfectly good friendship, ruined myself, my reputation (which is good now, thank god)
But now, I know who i am.
Im tiffany, ive been through a lot, but now im better. I love everyone, I wanna be there for so many people, and help out, and make people smile. I want kids to love me. I want to do something great in the world. I will never judge anyone, because i have no idea what has happened to you, and why you would do things. some people resort to drugs, while others cut themselves, or have sex or anything. I don't know. But i just want to do good things inthe world. I want to be the reason someone is feeling better. I don't care about people being nice to me anymore, i just care about being nice to people.
this is me. <3
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[09 Dec 2007|01:02pm] |
I WISH MY BOYFRIEND WASN'T SO MEAN! i swear he talks some kinds of shits about every single one of my friends. and it sucks cause i LOVE his friends:(
but yeah hes mean. and its starting to bug me.
what do i do nigga?????
haha well i haven't had sex with him in like 2 in a half weeks.. but thats cause he works nightshifts and we can't do it during the day because everyones awake.. but its okay, i love having sex during the day and when we move out the whole apartment is gonna be christened :)
but yeah.... i can't wait to get out of this house!!! and kush can't either!
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